Running on empty: sleep deprivation, night shifts and looking after yourself

First: this stage really is exhausting

Newborns feed often, and waking several times a night is normal. The goal right now isn't getting your old sleep back. It's helping every adult in the house get through these months. Lowering the bar on chores and keeping meals simple are perfectly reasonable choices.

Split the night so everyone gets one longer stretch

Instead of both of you getting up every time, divide the night. Whoever is off duty actually rests.

• The off-duty parent can sleep in another room with the door closed while the on-duty parent listens for the baby.
• Agree on handoff times in advance so nobody negotiates at 3 a.m.
• If you're parenting solo, ask family or a friend to take a regular slot, such as one or two nights a week.

Ask for help, and be specific

People often say "let me know if you need anything," but when you're exhausted it's hard to think of what to ask. Specific requests are easier for others to say yes to, and easier for you to make.

• Hold the baby for two hours while you nap.
• Drop off a meal or pick up groceries.
• Run a load of laundry, take out the trash, wash bottles.
• Spend time with an older sibling.
• If it's available to you, postpartum support from a doula, a night nurse or local community programs can make a real difference.

Small things that take the edge off

• When the baby sleeps, sleep first and do chores later. If you can't sleep, lie down and rest anyway.
• Get outside for some daylight during the day.
• Eat real meals and drink water. Keep a water bottle and snacks wherever you usually feed.
• Turn your phone brightness down for night feeds so you don't scroll yourself awake.
• Have caffeine earlier in the day so it doesn't keep you up during your off shift.
• Don't drive when you're very drowsy.

When to talk to a professional

Mood swings and tearfulness in the first week or two after birth are something many people experience. But if low mood, anxiety or irritability lasts for weeks, isn't improving, or is getting worse, it's time to get support. Postpartum depression can affect any parent or caregiver, including dads, partners and adoptive parents.

• Feeling down or empty most days, or losing interest in things you used to enjoy.
• Constant anxiety or racing worries you can't switch off.
• Being unable to sleep even when you have the chance.
• Feeling like a bad parent or worthless.
• Having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.

How BabySleepTight helps on shift

BabySleepTight needs no account and works on iPhone, iPad and Android, so every parent on rotation and any grandparent helping out can download it and play the same sound. Play and volume sit together on one panel, so you can adjust them one-handed while holding the baby. Pick a sound, set the timer, and turn off the screen; it stops on its own. And as always: quiet, far away, on a timer.

FAQ